Start the Bidding!


I was driving along a highway the other day and came upon a group of prisoners lounging by the side of the road.  Some were holding landscaping implements so I guess they were not cutting weeds and not clearing roadside brush.  (Couldn’t we get George W. on that?  He loves to clear brush and he’s used to associating with criminals.)

Apparently public works employees had trained them because the prisoners’ posture and work output were exactly the same as that of the taxpayer funded employees I see loafing along the roadsides all the time.  It’s probably a new mentoring program.  (Once again–synergy!)  But that wasn’t the only annoying thing about the loafing prisoners,  No, they were drinking bottled Zephyrhills water.  What, the prison doesn’t have tap water?  They couldn’t just get a big thermos and some cups?  Not only is Zephyrhills water expensive, but it’s technically owned by Swiss company Nestle which is taking the water from Crystal Springs, which is the headwater of the Hillsborough River.  It used to be a beautiful spot which, though privately owned, was open to the public for swimming–for a price.

I seem to recall that years ago some other wealthy and politically well connected land owner in Florida, had property fronting on springs and a spring-fed river, and tried to block the springs/river off.  And didn’t the court decide that, no, waterways could not be sequestered for private gain, they were public property?   That probably meant unless you happen to be a gazillion dollar company that can buy off politicians and bureaucracies to ignore the law.

Hey, companies are people too.  The Supreme Court–not an activist court according to the well educated knuckle draggers with law degrees who now populate it–says so.  So companies deserve all the consideration that money can buy, just like people.  It’s a well established legal principle.

So, anyway,  now we’re paying a foreign company–who’s expropriated our public waterway, kicked out the public who, technically should own it, through the auspices of crooked pols and bureaucrats–for expensive, dollar-a-bottle water, in an economy where supposedly there’s no money for teachers and firefighters, for the purpose of hydrating loafing prisoners.  Is it just me or does that seem nuts?  I’m not sure what part of that annoys me the most.

And speaking of bought and paid for politicians, why not just bow to the inevitable and do the practical thing?  Instead of letting lobbyists be the bagmen, uh, intermediaries shuffling money between the corruptors and the corrupted, why not cut out the middlemen and put all our political offices and appointments up for sale on E-Bay?  That’s what’s being done anyway–well, except the current sales venues are invitation only, back-room private deals, not public auctions.

So why shouldn’t “we the rabble” sell the influence ourselves and put the revenue toward reducing the national debt?  Congress already sells positions on influential committees, and chairmanships, and even has a price list.  I saw it on TV the other day, I think on CNN.  And politicians openly sell their sorry butts.  I’ve certainly received solicitations from political parties and politicians which have a price list for various “benefits” I can receive–attendance at a lunch, reception, etc.–based upon the amount of cash I might give.  Boy are they barking up the wrong tree.  I’d actually pay not to have to rub shoulders with that seedy bunch.  Jeez, if I had to attend a political event I’d wear a flea collar.

But, if we sell all our political offices and appointments, just think of all the money we’d save by not having to put on those pesky elections.  Man, those ballots, machines and paid officials cost us a bundle!  Instead of counting votes we could be counting cash.

And speaking of cash, not only is that “In God We Trust” slogan a seeming contravention of separation of church and state mandate (as the Supreme Court has interpreted the constitution) but it’s also not true.  Most people don’t give two hoots about God–until they want something.  (Kind of like our President who won’t give us the time of day until he wants something.)  No, our society likes to talk about God, likes to make a big show of pretending to believe in God.  But if they really do, how come they spend so much time destroying all the cool and irreplaceable stuff they say God made?  Hmmm

No, our society worships money.  So we could kill two birds with one stone.  By eliminating the slogan from our currency then we’d be fact based (as opposed to constitutionally precluded faith based) and more truthful if we changed the slogan to a more accurate “In Money We Trust”!

That seems reasonable to a post-modern dinosaur who’s appalled at spending public money on bottled water for loafing prisoners while cutting back on education, teachers and firefighters.  But that’s nothing.  In thrifty, cost cutting Kansas, they won’t prosecutes child and spousal abuse anymore–too expensive.  Wife and child beating season is officially open in Kansas!  I give it a year, tops, before that government does the practical thing and decides to monetize the abuse.  Of course a license, which will generate revenue for the cash strapped government, will be required.  And then they’ll say “well they had to get a background check”.  So everybody’s safe.  Right?

Let’s get started.  What am I bid for this democracy?

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