Back to the Future


So ol’ Rick Perry, an apparent dull normal who has managed to worm his way onto the national stage, wants to revisit the birther issue.  His stated reason?  “Y’know Donald jist has ta have sum fu-uh-n.”  Yeah, and what’s more fun for a white trash, devout Christian Texan’s point of view than taunting minorities?  Ya kin see where ol’ Rick’s comin’ frum caintcha?  He’s been “trained up” to be a bully and race baiter/hater.  In an earlier day, before the party poopers put a stop to it, his kind used to do stuff like hang black people, burn their houses, beat them up…well, you get the picture.  Jist funnin’.  No harm done, raht?

Yeah, no harm done.  We’re trying to dig our way out of a hellish economic predicament that was created by and allowed to fester because of another nitwit Texan who’s about as deep as a june bug’s ass.  Ol’ Dubya and the Black Prince, Dick, managed ta git a buncha doggone useless rules and regulations dropped and let their buddies hold us down and go through our pockets, so to speak.  And now we get Rick Perry?

Thanks, Texas.  Get lost wouldja?  No, seriously.  Please.  Secede.  You’re a lot more than just a big pain in the butt.  If ya’d secede we could freeze all yer dadgum assets wait a bit and take ’em, then git out the popcorn and watch Mexico overrun ya.  Remember the Alamo?  Let’s do it agin!  Sounds lahk fun don’t it?

So, ol’ Rick is such a deep one that he can’t stay focused on trying to craft a reasonable platform or plan for how, should hell freeze over and he manage to win, to drag us back from the steep slide into economic oblivion.  ‘Course he cain’t.  Not when Donald needs ta have sum fu-uh-n.  Nope, ol’ Rick’s lahk a coon hound that runs deer.  Cain’t be trusted ta keep doin’ what he’s s’posed ta when an opportunity to play the racist clown presents itself, or is fabricated by a faux billionaire with nifty hair such as Mr. Trump.

Ah wonder why ol’ Rick’s dropped to a 6% approval rating in the polls.  He seems so well prepared to be President.  And glib.

Yeah, how ’bout ol’ Rick–and the Herminator too–with their “flat tax,” huh?  I say they haven’t gone nearly far enough.  Let’s go straight to the “flat earth” folks for our candidates.  Forget science.  Oh, right, our politicians already have, another boon, brought to us by the republicans, and bandwagon jumped on by the too-timid-to-lead dems as well.  Science is waaaay too hard anyhow.  All those numbers.  All that required reading.  All those footnores!  Ack.  Let’s go with stuff that sounds like fun.

Hell, fergit the birthers, an’ why stop with the “flat earthers” either?  Let’s go with the  proponents of the “hollow earth” theory.  That’s not a testable hypothesis so it’s ready made for a political system in which facts don’t matter.  Gee, I saw it on the History Channel the other day so it must be fake truth, right?

Our politics and pols are just not regressive enough.  The 19th century isn’t far enough back.  We should be aiming for at least the 12th century, although the seventh would be better.  We don’t wanna get too far back though or we’ll get to the Romans, who actually had roads and running water.  Nope, we should be aiming for the Middle Ages when the masses were grubbing in the dirt for bare subsistence and common knowledge was limited to how to stay alive.  None of that pesky “inquiring minds” stuff then, or at least those folks who had ’em were sequestered by a religion which demanded that facts be damned and dogma be elevated as truth.

Nope, back in that golden age–which, mystifyingly, is also referred to as the “dark ages”–people were stuck in the mud and stayed there until that doggone black plague thinned the ranks so much that in its wake there was enough food for everyone and the nobles didn’t have quite the stranglehold on the peasants that they’d once had.  Look where that got our species.  It led inexorably to the Renaissance.  Ack!  Don’t even go there!  A middle class managed to eke its way into existence and people could actually expect to be paid for the work they did.  That wouldn’t be good for the 1% would it?

Just look where that dang Renaissance led.  To America, eventually.  Although it didn’t take long for the folks yearning for religious freedom to start witch hunts and executions of people who didn’t practice their religion exactly as they were told.

Yep, the Salem witch trials were only a few decades after the searchers for freedom and individual choices got to America.  We’ve regressed as a species more than once so ya can see, time is on the side of the “no facts please” movement which is sweeping our country and to which our pols have hitched their stars.  And people such as Rick Perry are shining examples of that unfortunate tendency.  Or symptomatic of it–like some hideous disease that skips a generation or two and then re-emerges in our cultural DNA to set everyone back.

What would Jesus say of Rick Perry and his godly pursuit of political power via race baiting and hatred?  “If ya use mah name one more tahm ya faithless weasel ah’m gonna fry ya!”

Nah, fergit facts an’ science.  Too confining.  Let’s go!  Gung ho!  (Which, by the way, means “work together”.)  Back to the future!  Have ya heard?  The earth is flat.  And hollow.  It’s a fact.

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