Here we go. Achtung! Ho, ho, ho, it is time to be jolly. Already? Yep, time’s a wastin’. This year Christmas advertising was started even before Halloween was over. There wasn’t even a break between everyone stuffing themselves with candy and the greasy greed-a-thon that Christmas has become. Thanksgiving? Not expensive enough. Yeah, sure, ya gotta buy a lotta food and alcoho for Thanksgiving, but it’s the gifts that are the really rainmakers. This year there’s hardly even a blip about Thanksgiving. Forget turkey day, it is way past time to start buying stuff you don’t need to give away, often to people you don’t like.
By the beginning of November TV was blaring the news that they were counting down to the 25 days of Christmas. Jeez, I though twelve was too many, and that it was the countdown. Now we’re counting down to the pre-countdown? Uh, is the concept of diminishing returns a valid notion when it comes to the holidays or must we buy into the whole “Too much is never enough!” urban mythology? It’s like the whole point is to move on to the next thing before even getting to the previous thing.
Toys ‘R Us is supposedly opening at 9 PM on Thanksgiving. Yeah, hey you rabble, I mean employees, you’ve given enough thanks, get back to work. And Target employees thought their company was bad for opening at midnight. At least that would’ve given ‘em time to digest and let the alcohol wear off. But now–better not celebrate too much people, ya gotta go to work so the precious tykes who are recipients of the Toys R Us wretched excess will be sure to have enough useless junk, sold to fatuous relatives and friends of same, to assure that the little ones never have an un-entertained moment of their lives. What holidays? Those are just an anti-socialist economic strategy promulgated to boost spending and increase tax revenue. Ya didn’t believe all that stuff about messiahs and angels, I mean, extraterrestrials, and metaphysics didja? Oh man, you are sooo behind the times.
Why is it that businesses, especially the mega ones, get their hooks into every single thing that starts out as fun or doesn’t involve producing revenue for someone, and then sucks the darn life out of it with their over the top, greedy objectivist world view that there’s always another nickel to be made? Huh? C’mon, I want an answer. This tiresome drumbeat, “buy, buy, buy,” will be driving us all crazy as it builds to a crescendo of exhaustion long before Christmas. By the time that gets here the whole overdone, market-based idea of Christmas will long since have rubbed nerves so raw they no longer work. Everything becomes just a dull, exhausting exercise in being manipulated into a whole ambient fog of trying to maintain the formula; stuff = happy and its corollary, stuff + overindulgence = ecstasy.
Not a single hour’s surcease does anyone with access to electronic for-profit programming get. ‘Tis the season to spend, spend, spend, fa la la la la. And it’s the season to eat well and drink far too much alcohol. That always improves any celebration. Right?
Talk about gauche, there was a commercial that started out with the hymn “Silent Night,” y’know, the one that commemorates the ostensible reason for having a Christmas holiday? Anyway, it morphed into a commercial for crackers! Now, I’m no theologian but, using the baby Jesus as a cheap huckster selling crackers seems a bit, well, vulgar, no?. Like, if you were gonna play the complete tin-eared fool–yes, I’m talkin’ to you, whoever decided that commercial’s riff was a good idea–here’s the scoop. Not everyone thinks Christmas is just an opportunity for corporations to rake in even more cash than usual. Look it up if ya don’t believe it.
And come the actual holiday, having sucked all the life out of the autumn and winter-beginning holidays the big business marketing juggernaut will start in next on, what? MLK’s birthday? Valentine’s Day? Oh, yeah, that’s a good one. Wrong! They start advertising after Christmas sales before Christmas even gets here.
After that, then it’s time to start flogging MLK and Valentine’s Day. Take a perfectly innocuous holiday and turn it into a guilt trip that forces mainly men, but also women to an extent, to buy gifts for no apparent reason other than it’s made to seem that only pikers would fail to do so. What a con! Here’s a tip. Don’t get your information or ideas from TV commercials.
Yes, we’ll all be subjected to the propaganda. Having more stuff makes everybody happy. Having more stuff that they totally cannot afford makes everybody really happy. So hop to it! Spend early and often. Everybody’s happiness depends upon it.