The Most Wonderful Time of the Year


Yippee.  It’s the most wonderful time of the year!  Happy Black Friday.  Happy Cyber Monday.  Are those federal holidays yet?  They should be since they celebrate what we revere most.  Money.  Buying stuff.  Tchotchkes.  Ya can never have enough.  Seriously.  That’s why God made humans, isn’t it?  So we can produce shareholder profits for Walmart and tax revenue for our local state and federal governments?  What could be more sustainable than a tschotchke-based economy?

I think it was in the catechism they taught us in Catholic school.  We had to memorize it.  If memory serves, I think it went something like this.  “Who made me?”  God made me.  “Why did God make me?”  To know him and love him and produce revenue for people I don’t know, who couldn’t care less about whether I live or die, so they can blow it on a bunch of useless tchotchkes.  To provide tax revenue to feed into the endless maw of governments which no longer understand that they are supposed to be serving us not the other way around.”  I think it went something like that.

Forget giving thanks, times a-wastin’ we got pointless crap to buy.  This endless spiral of greed, fueled by a handful of people at the putative top who can’t stuff their mouths, their bellies and their lives with enough to ever satisfy them are getting to be a real pain in the ass.  Ecce homo.  And like sheep we buy into it.  Pun intended.  Wretched excess, start your engines!

Yeah, one woman was so thankful on Black Friday for all she has that she was willing to pepper spray her fellow shoppers to get to the head of the line to get even more.  Good plan.  Now all that money saved on early shopping she can spend on attorneys and court costs.  If there is an afterlife, the philosopher Thomas Hobbes must be leaping for joy, shouting “Told ya so, told ya so, I was right all along!” while  the more practical Malthus must be thinking, “Just wait.  Just you wait and see who’s right.”  We’ll overpopulate our ecological niche eventually in a Malthusian race to gobble up as much as we possibly can.  Then life will become a Hobbesian nightmare of scratching and clawing in the dirt for whatever scraps we can find.

But not everyone was busy shopping.  A quick glance at the headlines in the Palm Beach Post and other newspapers imparted the joyful tidings that one guy shot his ex girlfriend  multiple times and himself once, a drive by injured four, killed one, a local company was busy bilking the elderly in a  toilet paper scam (!), child abuse, stabbing deaths, gunshots and general mayhem rang in the start of the serious holiday season.

And also in lockstep with the holiday season’s ethos of altruism, kindness, and concern for others, our wonderful governor, Rick Scott–his healthcare company was so crooked it was fined $1.7 billion for defrauding medicare and medicaid–and the goober Florida legislature, turned down more than $100 million in federal money for healthcare for Floridians.  Yeah, who needs healthy citizens?  Not Floriduh!  What would Jesus say?  “You people make me sick!”  Jeez, if they’d given it some Ayn Rand objectivist thought–her nutty, shallow world view is big with the tea party crowd–they’d realize healthy people have a lot more disposable income than sick people.  The gov and legislature are losing money for big business, cutting into shareholder profits with that sort of “let’s cut off our nose to spite our face” thinking.  They are not serving their corporate masters well.

Then there’s Sam Brownback, deep thinker and Kansas Governor.  He got his panties all in a twist when one of his paid toadies, uh, I mean staffers, discovered that a high school kid tweeted something uncomplimentary about governor Brownback.  He complained to her school principal.  “Wah wah wah, some teeny-bopper said a mean thing about me.  I will crush her!”  Very manly gov.  And what a way to spend tax dollars!  Having your trolls troll the internet to see what uppity citizens are saying about you is a great way to spend tax dollars.  Small government, right, Sam?

Yeah the holidays are here.  As usual, I need a nap.  I don’t feel so good.  Too much holiday tidings of comfort and joy have worn me out already.  But, not to worry, it’s nothing that an $8 Bonnat “El Rosario” chocolate bar can’t fix.

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2 responses to “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

  1. So what tchockies did you end up buying? Lol.

    Anyway, starting Monday we are running a 3 part series on picking the right alcohol to beat various types of holiday stress. You may want to take a peak.

    Rob, the mainland.

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    • Aoife McDermot DeClare

      So what tchockies did you end up buying? A biography of Thomas Malthus.

      Re: alcohol as a holiday stress reliever, may I suggest grain alcohol? Or perhaps a bottle of vintage Thunderbird from your local convenience store would be nice. I hear August was a good month. BTW, in the Caribbean, it is customary on Christmas Day to use guavaberry liqueur for holiday toasts.

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