Jesus Plays Ball & Battle of the Lilliputians

Has anyone been paying attention to the fact that, at his advanced age, Jesus has taken up pro football?  Apparently he favors the quarterback option play which, again, is surprising for a man of his age.  You’d think he’d be more reliant on the passing game than the running one but, noooope, he can scramble.  Or one might think that  he’d opt for Lou Groza’s career extender, the kicking game.  Btu heck no, he has no trouble leaving the pocket and taking off on a broken field run at the drop of a hat.  But at least he has the manners to stick with pro football, thus avoiding any possible contests against his Mom’s college team from South Bend, the Fighting Irish.

And speaking of Jesus, all the media scrutiny of the republican hack pack running for president revealed something new about one of the stellar front runners for the GOP presidential nomination.  When it was his turn to serve, Mitt Romney opted for draft dodging not bullet dodging just as his predecessor, “W” did.   (Funny isn’t it, how hawkish these guys are when it’s somebody else who’ll be doing the bullet dodging?)  But Mitt wasn’t skulking around in Texas or hiding out in Maine while dodging the draft.  Nope, according to the ever-factual TV news media, his deferment was for being a missionary in FRANCE!  France?  Do they need missionaries there?  Didn’t they have a fairly substantial religious infrastructure  to handle all faiths and belief systems already?

Seriously.  A missionary in France.  And he’s gonna send other people out to die while when it was his turn he kicked back in France until the heat was off.  Yeah, while other kids were getting blown away in the godforsaken country of Vietnam, that SOB Romney was kicking back ministering to the faithful in that heathen country, France.  Culling the faithful over a robust Bordeaux and a plate of escargot?  Nice work for a man of such faith.

And is it just me or does the video of Ron and Rand Paul together put one in mind of Bilbo and Frodo sharing a moment?  Has anyone looked at their feet to see if they’re actually hobbits?  Because they sure look like ‘em.  Maybe Ron Paul should play up that angle–there are so many Lord of the Rings fans out there, he might be able to tap into a whole new demographic.

Newt, of course, has bragging rights.  No, not for actual accomplishments, he’s just the best braggart in the race.  He modestly places himself in the same league with Margaret Thatcher and Winston Churchill, despite being a sleazy huckster who makes a living selling bogus awards at $5,000 bucks a pop.

And he’s also a great lecturer.  Right now he’s busy lecturing black people about their sense of entitlement.  He’s referring to the fact that they seem to feel entitled to eat.  Newt, who appears not to have missed a meal ever, tells them to just demand paychecks, not food stamps.  Yeah, man, just get a job.  As if they haven’t been trying.  Here’s a tip Newt, since you obviously know nothing about the process of going hungry.  It takes awhile to get a job, and get paid for the first time.  In the interim, people, and more importantly, their minor children, need to eat.  Granted, it also takes awhile to starve to death, so maybe those pesky poor people could hold out long enough to be able to buy food.  But it’s supposedly pretty painful to be seriously hungry.  I would suggest someone locking Newt in a room for a week with only water, then see how he feels about it.

And don’t think for a moment this is an endorsement of Obama.  That cynical opportunist pitched the right to due process overboard and signed the defense bill that was the vessel for that travesty.  And then issued a signing statement that he had reservations.  Yeah, reservations, but not a shred of principle which might have caused him to act on those reservations to protect civil liberties.   Nearly 800 years of established legal principle and he tosses it overboard because it’s necessary for his re-election not to be seen as weak.  Too bad the only thing he’s not weak about is pursuing his own ambition and self interest.

Obama’s turned out to be not much more than a good marketing campaign.  On the upside, after he’s done being president maybe he can get a marketing job.  I can see him, with his verbal skills, being very successful writing ad jingles for TV commercials.  He might even be able to come up with something as iconic as “leggo my eggo” or maybe “please don’t squeeze the Charmin”.

What a bunch of dogs we have running for president. Although actually, it’s disrespectful to dogs to compare them to the seedy lumps of protoplasm we are being served up for our presidential choices.  Ugh.  It’s a real battle of the Lilliputians.

But meanwhile, there are dolphins hunting in the river, and manatees trying to stay warm, all sorts of wading birds and shorebirds are foraging daily on the flats and eagles and osprey ARE snatching fish from the river too.  it’s a nice distraction from the unhealthy and pestilential goo that is our presidential election.


Comments are closed.