It’s hard to believe, in this perfectly normal election season, but it seems the fate of the free world may rest, for the moment, on that weenie Anthony Wiener’s semi-flaccid penis. Yeah, that’s right, the humble fulcrum upon which great world events are currently being leveraged is nothing more (or less) substantial than a perv’s teeny peenie. Which is about as humble–despite Wiener’s massive ego–as it gets. The irony would be delicious if we didn’t have to take the consequences of its source.
Sure, I know this is a serious matter but, well, it’s like something out of a Tim Dorsey or Carl Hiassen novel. What makes it even funnier is that scrawny Anthony Wiener is so delusional that he doesn’t even seem to notice that he’s, well, butt-ugly. (Under most circumstances, people’s looks are unimportant, but, he’s taking photos of himself as if he’s one of Trump’s beauty queens. Generally, it’s wise to be attractive if you’re planning on sending pictures of your unclothed self out to be viewed by everyone.) Not to mention that his legendary package, at least in the one photo we were all forced to look at the first time this came up (no pun intended) looked, well, un-prodigious. That first image of several years ago was definitely not what I’d call a notable (or erect) penis.
Yeah, it’s awful of me, but I can’t help laughing at the prospect of the FBI finding photos of Anthony Wiener’s favorite body part on the same insecure laptop as emails owned by the Federal Government, which may or may not include classified information. (Wash your hands, and put on gloves, FBI agents, it’s gonna get icky.)
Jeez, Wiener, if you’re gonna be such a dick, then at least have the decency to give it your best shot. If your protean member is gonna decide the presidency, you at least owe us the courtesy of a full erection. C’mon, surely you could’ve scarfed up some viagra to stiffen your, um, resolve. Of course we haven’t seen the latest photo shoot so it’s possible I’m being unfair.
The 650,000 emails, or course, were left on the laptop by Wiener’s wife, who’s Hillary’s go-to girl, Huma Abedin. Who, BTW deserves whatever she gets for insulting our collective intelligence by her fatuous claim that she didn’t notice the 650,000 emails stored on the computer. That counts as criminal stupidity first for advancing such an improbable claim and second for thinking that the American people are so stupid that they’ll fall for it.
Both Huma and Hillary have zero self respect, because they both put up with being humiliated before the entire world. Hillary didn’t have the backbone or self-respect to ditch her dirtbag husband adter he made her a laughingstock. If she doesn’t respect herself, why should the rest of us? Sorry, but she’s a willing victim–which is too pathetic for words. D’ya think the world will respect her? Not to mention, it once again shows Hillary’s lack o judgment to have her political future so closely associated with a known sexual deviant. And Huma’s worse–she actually married her perv after he’d gotten caught years ago. Did these girls happen to think how that might play out, and how everyone else might have to take the consequences of their lack of common sense and poor decision-making?
One thing we know for sure. Come January, 2017, one way or another, there’s gonna be a perv living in the White House. Trump brags about being able to grab any woman’s pussy and, well, we all know what Bill Clinton does when his wife’s not around.
Either way, I hope before White House tours resume after inauguration day they install ample hand sanitizer dispensers for staff and tourists.