Category Archives: contemporary issues–satire

Ack, Sen. Corker Agrees with Me re: Trump Castrating Cabinet


Except I said it first.  Sen. Corker, you’re stealin’ my premise. (This is just an updated previous post from 4/27/17 in which I raised the same issue–Trump’s neutered males). Because the way the men in the Trump adminstration are publicly scolded, badmouthed, slimed, denigrated, taunted and generally disrespected by their incompetent and embarrassingly ill-behaved master would only be tolerated by someone with no balls.

So I’ve been wondering–will all the Trump administration’s neutered
males–Priebus, Sessions, Mattis, Pence, Tillerson, Spicer, et. al.–get their balls back after they leave office? (Okay, Spicer and Priebus probably never had any, but what about the rest?  They were once high testosterone males.) And where are those testicles stored anyway? (Al Gore’s lockbox?) Or were they just thrown out with the rest of the trash?

Granted, most of the castrati are so old that they probably weren’t using
those balls for much anyway, except possibly to scratch occasionally, for
old times’ sake. But the way these guys let Trump humiliate them suggests
that whatever manhood they still possessed had to be checked at the
metaphorical door to their new positions, as a condition of employment.

Some of the president’s paid lackeys used to have some pride, sense of self,
and independence. Now they’re just a sad, pathetic bunch of saluting,
heel-clicking old castrati who have apparently sold their manhood
for–what?

Still, it could be worse. Über sack-shrinker Hillary could have been elected.
Just the sound of her voice is enough to make a red-blooded male’s testicles
ascend to the refuge of their owner’s thorax and huddle behind the ribs in
fear. There’s no guarantee she would even have hired any manly men
anyway.

What would Jesus say?

“You weenies don’t deserve the balls Dad and I gave ya.  You don’t hear about me badmouthing my apostles do ya?  And look what they did to me.”

 

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Does Trump Have Oneirataxia?


I may have the answer–to what’s wrong with Donald Trump, that is.

Maybe he has oneirataxia – the inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality.  (This, by the way, seems to be a common affliction among real estate
developers. When they talk about developing a real estate project, they think it’s
already a fait accompli.)

I came across the term while looking for a way to convey my persistent
longing for Wales. Ever since visiting there in 2014 I think about it
constantly, daily.  (It turned out the term I was looking for is “fernweh” i.e.
an ache for distant places.)

However, having so fortuitously come across a word for explaining Trump’s
seemingly delusional ravings of late, it’s only right to share it. It seems
somehow, more presidential than just saying he’s crazy as a bedbug, or
nutty as a fruitcake.  It seems less dauntingly dangerous for our national security interests than “dementia”.

Somehow, if I look at it that way it’s even not so disgusting to watch him waddling to and fro like a beached walrus, with his pathetic long red tie pointing at his crotch virtually shouting “look at my dick, look at my dick”.  Of course, I’m just a post modern dinosaur so nobody’s asking my opinion.

Still better than Hillary though.  God only knows what mental dysfunctions that one’s got hidden up her sleeve.  Or psyche.

Yep, oneirataxia – inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality.  If
that’s not our pres. I don’t know what is.

All Reality Is Not Virtual


As a committed post-modern dinosaur, I have never tweeted, been on
facebook, LinkdedIn, reddit, or any other social media site. There are no
apps, devices or any other means of “syncing” an information flow in my
world.  My laptop is the whole ball of wax, device-wise.  I know not of
interacting online with groups of people. I just don’t get it.  But, clearly,
time has passed me by and I am officially irrelevant.

Twitter wars and their prominence among “news” stories in the media seem
mystifying.  Reading or watching stories about this phenomenon also seem
pretty funny.  All these characters with their thumbs flying, being egged on
by “news” reports, conjure up an image of a bunch of weenies engaging in
what amounts to electronic slap fights.  Hunched over their tiny devices, do
those engaging in the exercise actually believe it is the equivalent of some
sort of gladiatorial warfare?  I think they do.

Forget it folks, you’re not Russell Crowe, you’re Arnold Stang.

Tip: your busy thumbs are not the full extent of your physical
capabilities. You can get up and walk, talk to live humans in person, see
“real” things with your “real” eyes, feel the sun and wind, experience “real”
life firsthand.  Yeah, it’s kind of uncomfortable, but, probably good for ya.

See, if you’re confining yourself to virtual reality, your non-virtual
musculature and body parts are withering from lack of use and exercise. Your
overly active imaginations, seeing yourselves as some sort of latter day
cultural warriors are a bit over the top.  Okay, delusional.  There is such a
thing as “real” reality y’know.

It all seems hilarious to me, but with a looming downside which is apt to
wind up affecting all of us, including the ones who don’t tweet or who have
thoughts which won’t fit into 140 characters. People seem overly focused
on what’s being said on Twitter. The lazy media, too slack to actually go
out and find real news to report–well except for Richard Engel, Ben Weideman, Ivan Watson, et. al.–can just open up their devices, have a donut
peck out a thin story about what other people are doing in 140 characters,
and think they’ve reported the news.

I actually saw one of the former Fox News blondes, in full raccoon-eye
makeup, say recently, with the most earnest look, that “When the President
tweets, we have to report on it.”  No. You don’t. “News” is not confined to
what comes out of Donald Trump’s thumbs or mouth. Stuff is
happening–important stuff–out in the “real” world. If you work for a news
media organization, you and your colleagues are supposed to be telling the
rest of us about it.

And the putative “news” cable channels are ridiculous. MSNBC runs
non-stop Lock-up programs on the weekends, presumably because “real”
news doesn’t actually happen on weekends. CNN similarly doesn’t do
much live reporting on the weekends.  Possibly it’s because the “reporters”
don’t work weekends. But if you want your media company to be considered a
news organization, then you actually have to report real “news”.  Trust me,
there’s lots going on in the real world on weekends, despite what cable
news channel programmers think.

MSNBC also hired a guy, Brian Williams, who was fired for lying, to do an alleged news show. Why? Somehow his presence on the roster is supposed to increase the network’s credibility as a news network!  How does that work?
Has Mr. Williams dropped his habit of lying?  Sorry, I’m not buying it.

CNN has a morning “news” anchor who’s just a Fox News re-tread yakking
it up five mornings a week. Sorry, I’m not interested in FoxNews’ sloppy
seconds. Don’t hire a media whore and trot her out as a serious journalist,
and expect me to forget what she did before.

The ancillary world of internet trolls is similarly mystifying. Aren’t they
just what we used to call busybodies? Perhaps we should more accurately refer to them as E-busybodies instead of trolls.

The whole notion of spending hours just looking for something to be pissed
off about seems pretty unhealthy. Long ago I decided, when being overly
critical of others, that I’ll try to hold off on that until I’ve perfected me.
There’s a ton of work to be done there, so I’m not holding my breath about
when I can get back to telling everyone else how they should live their lives
and what choices they should make.

Meanwhile, I see that our president is meeting with Vlad Putin this Friday.
What has Vlad been tweeting about lately? I’m all agog with curiosity.

I’m also wondering what future archaelogists will make of the skeleton remains of all the tweeters out there.  “There seems to have been a popular cult which flourished tens of thousands of years ago which focused on those with very large thumbs.  Perhaps that characteristic was considered as beauty.  At this point, we just don’t know but all indications are that genetic thumb mutations became a socially desirable physical attribute at some point in the past.  That culture disappeared and we can only conjecture what might have happened to wipe it out.”

 

Carpetbagger Beats Native Son in GA District 6


Caveat:
Technically I am a Southerner.  My family’s been in Florida for just shy of
100 years and I was bred, born, raised and educated here.  However, South Florida isn’t actually the South. It’s a separate parallel universe.  Ya
gotta go north in Florida to be in the South, so probably I don’t really count
as a Southerner.  But when people not born here call themselves a Floridian they get a frosty reply from me–“You are NOT a Floridian.  You just live here”.  As far as I’m concerned anyone born north of Orlando is a Yankee.   You could say I’m just a post-modern dinosaur.

Well, it’s official.  Georgia is no longer truly Southern.  The unthinkable has
happened.  District 6 voters picked an unqualified, uneducated carpetbagger
over a well educated native son, at the behest of a Yankee from New York!  Ack!

There was a time, after the Civil War, when carpetbaggers were reviled in
the South. (At the time Southerners seemed surprised that killing hundreds
of thousands of Northerners, thereby plunging the country into years of devastating war and economic chaos in support of being able to own people, might actually have consequences.)

Not satisfied with having the beloved land–the South–burned to ashes, a
Southerner murdered the one person who might have helped reconstruct the
floundering region, Abraham Lincoln.  The mindless aggression of the
South not only left it in ruins, the economic fallout kept it a backwater
reeling in poverty and distress for a hundred years.

After the war (mostly Republican) post-Civil War carpetbaggers flooded the South and proceeded to help themselves to the spoils of an ill-conceived mass conflict.  Southerners detested the northern opportunists, since they had contributed nothing to making the pre-war South an economic powerhouse, and abused the hapless Southerners in oh so many ways.  (Again, Southerners didn’t seem to make the connection that the distasteful newcomers were a direct result of their own foolish decision to go to war with their own country.)

In the South you will still occasionally hear people say that the Civil
War wasn’t about slavery, it was about states’ rights.  Yeah.  What they
mean is states’ rights to own people, effectively stealing the lives, families
and personhood of those millions of humans which they “owned” over a
period of hundreds of years.

Southerners’ distrust and dislike of Yankees persists in much of the South to this
day.  Yet, somehow Donald Trump, the ultimate carpetbagger, from New
York no less, has become wildly popular in the South.  He told the GA
District 6 voters who to choose and they fell in line and did his bidding
without a peep of protest.

So much for “hell no we ain’t fergettin,” a Southern slogan referring to the North having won the Civil War.  That win used to stick in Southerners’ craws.  Maybe they’ve gotten over it.

This leads me to believe that true Southerners have been out-bred and
outnumbered by Northern transplants and their offspring.  Folks who prefer a carpetbagger to a native son are what might be termed faux Southerners.

Proof positive that Georgia is no longer Southern came on June 20,
2017 in the state’s congressional District 6 special election.

The district’s voters chose an uneducated carpetbagger, with no training or
experience in economics, finance, political science or other relevant
disciplines, Karen Handel, over native son Jon Ossoff.

As Secretary of State for Georgia–a post to which Georgia voters elected
her–Handel was involved in persistent ploys to suppress voter turnout, i.e.
keep Southerners from exercising their right to vote.

Ossoff, whose bachelor’s degree is from Georgetown and master’s degree is
from the London School of Economics, was born and raised in District 6.
(However, his mother is an Australian immigrant and his dad was raised in
Massachusetts, so, honestly, neither of the District 6 candidates has
generational ties to Georgia.)

Carpetbagger Karen Handel (born in stronghold-of-Satan, Washington, D.C. ) actually criticized Ossoff for having a good education!  His degrees
could not possibly have come without both intelligence and great effort.
Neither of his post-secondary schools just hand out degrees for nothing.
So obviously his stellar educational achievements are a minus for him in nouveau Georgia.

The fact remains.  Georgia voters chose to elect a carpetbagger on the word
of a Yankee.  Georgia, or at least its District 6, is no longer Southern. Gasp!

Meanwhile, thanks District 6, for sending another ignorant, unqualified
representative to Congress.  The country doesn’t have enough of those,
right?  Now the rest of us will have to take the consequences of your
decision right along with y’all.

A carpetbagger elected in Georgia?  Obviously the End Days are nigh.  Mercy sakes alive, ah feel faint.  Fetch me a mint julep, willya?

Shakespeare, not Nostradamus Predicted Trump


How did the History Channel staffers miss this one? They’ve zeroed in on
extraterrestrials, and uncovered Nostradamus’ hidden codes and the bible’s.
(I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before they realize that it was
extraterrestrials who gave the Vikings the stuff & info they needed to
conquer most of the known world.)

But they totally failed us re: Shakespeare’s hidden prediction about Trump
in, of all places, Macbeth. I weeded out the chaff and came up with ol’
Will’s hidden message to us from the late 16th century (or possibly the early
17th).

…but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more….an idiot, full of sound and fury
signifying nothing.

C’mon, ya know that’s Trump to a “T”. You’re welcome Mr. Shakespeare.
Glad to give credit where credit’s due. You were spot on buddy.
Unfotunately.

 

Will Trump’s Castrati–His Male Appointees–Get Their Balls Back When They Leave W/H?


So I’ve been wondering–will all the Trump administration’s neutered
males–Priebus, Mattis, Kelly, Tillerson, Spicer, et. al.–get their balls back
after they leave office?  (Okay, Spicer and Priebus probably never had any,
but what about the rest?)  And where are those testicles stored anyway?  (Al
Gore’s lockbox?)  Or were they just thrown out with the rest of the trash?

Granted, most of the castrati are so old that they probably weren’t using
those balls for much anyway, except possibly to scratch occasionally, for
old times’ sake.  But the way these guys let Trump humiliate them suggests
that whatever manhood they still possessed had to be checked at the
metaphorical door to their new positions, as a condition of employment.

Some of the president’s paid lackeys used to have some pride, sense of self,
and independence.  Now they’re just a sad, pathetic bunch of saluting,
heel-clicking old castrati who have apparently sold their manhood
for–what?

Still, it could be worse. Über sack-shrinker Hillary could have been elected.
Just the sound of her voice is enough to make a red-blooded male’s testicles
ascend to the refuge of their owner’s thorax and huddle behind the ribs in
fear.  There’s no guarantee she would even have hired any manly men anyway.

It’s gonna be a long four years.

A Solution for Arkansas


There’s an obvious solution to Arkansas’ problem finding a humane drug to execute its death row inmates. Jeez, it’s all over the news these days. And it’s one people voluntarily take for their own amusement, so it can’t bee too cruel.

How hard would it be for Arkansas to score some heroin on the street and just use that? Seems like a win, win to me. If taking human life can be considered a “win” that is.

Cheap, easy to obtain, no manufacturers’ complaints, and humane.

No, no, don’t thank me Arkansas. You should have thought of this yourselves.