Since we’ve all seen that the best pace our tubby president can muster is a slow waddle, his boast is only partly plausible. Assuming that he’d been there and actually taken any part in an attempted rescue of the children under attack in Parkland, I think it would have played out something like this.
The most charitable interpretation of what Trump might have done had he been near the massacre is that he’d have charged along on his golf cart, and maybe–maybe–waddled down a hallway or two looking for an elevator rather than taking the stairs, (out of the question). Then, exhausted, he’d have slumped against a wall wheezing from the effort of walking any farther from his golf cart than his usual distance. That would normally be between his cart and where his ball lies on a fairway or green.
Of course, he’s never demonstrated a scintilla of courage in all the years he’s been braying on our TV screens, long before the Russians put him up to running for president. (Coercion or bribery, inquiring minds want to know–but no icky details, please. Some of us have weak stomachs.) So it seems improbable that he would have done a damn thing.
But he would have said he did. In his demented brain the two are seemingly the same. (What really happened and what he said–after the fact– happened would not, in a million, billion years actually be the same. )
Yeah, I can see him zipping along in his golf cart, hair flying, bald spot showing, rolls of fat jiggling, racing away from any possible danger as quickly as possible. Just like Fearless Leader of Rocky and Bullwinkle fame, our cartoon of a president would have made us laugh.
Or would have if it weren’t for the gruesome fact that real children were dying, their internal organs and bones being blown apart because no one–NO ONE–except the brave Coral Springs police officers, a few teachers, and the children themselves showed any courage at all during the horrific tragedy.
So zip it Mr president. At this point we’d all probably be satisfied if you would just stop fooling around, tweeting, bragging, stuffing your face with KFC and Big Macs, and actually put in a day or two of actual work at your job.
But we know that’s not gonna happen.