Tag Archives: politics

Bannon Now Seems More like Snoopy as Red Baron than Barney Fife

So it’s never too late to admit it when you make a mistake. Mea culpa, I made a boo boo when, not long ago I compared that goofball Steve Bannon to Barney Fife of fictional Mayberry, RFD.

But as it turns out, no, Bannon’s way more ridiculous than that.  He’s Snoopy, sitting atop his doghouse, imagining he’s WWI flying ace “the Red Baron”.  When Bannon says he’s got his weapons back in his hands, it’s too funny.  I imagine Bannon with that bright red nose–and we all know where that comes from–like Rudolph’s, leading the imaginary charge, guns blazing, peering intently from atop  his little doghouse.

Those aren’t weapons, it’s just your limp dick you’re holding there, Bub.  Where’s the juggernaut that was supposed to sweep Bannon’s clients, like a backwards tsunami, into elective offices in Virginia and elsewhere a few weeks ago?  Oh, that’s right–it was a no-show.

Someone please tell Bannon he’s a laughingstock.  When he gets in front of the cameras, capering like a fool it is pathetic.  It’s like the ravings of your aged drunk uncle.

Don’t forget, the Charlottesville Statement, to which Breitbart, Bannon, et. al. bend their reverent collective knees, was written by a pagan, goat-blood-drinking, Florida lawyer/senate candidate.  Just sayin’.

C’mon white guys, I know you’re mad.  It’s been a rough few decades for you all to adjust to, and you’re still pouting about having to share power.  But who wrote all the rules in the first place?  Yeah.  White guys.  You did it to yourselves.  Now you have to share power.  No more unilateral decision-making.

But don’t follow this goofball.  He’s no “leader”.  He’s some rich dude’s paid butt boy.  Some gazillionaire named Mercer is said to own Bannon lock, stock and barrel.  That’s not a leader.  He’s the Grima Wormtongue of the GOP and it’s just a matter of time before everyone realizes it.

And he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about middle class white men other than what he can get them to do for his rich owner.

You deserve better.  Much better.


Corker and Flake–the John Carlos and Tommy Smith of the U.S. Senate

While it might have been predictable that Sen. Jeff Flake would stand up for abused and downtrodden Senators, who would have thought Bob Corker would be be one of the flaming reactionaries?  He seems so, well, non-entity-ish.

The pair strayed into famed Olympic protest territory, channeling those two legendary U.S. track and field athletes, John Carlos and Tommy Smith who gave the Black Power salute (black-gloved clenched fist raised in the air) on the medal stand.  (They were reviled, stripped of their medals, and banned from any further Olympic competition.)

The two disestablishmentarian pols,  Corker and Flake, astoundingly, have now refused to play the capering fool to feather their own congressional nests, opting instead for the high road and retirement.  What could they be thinking?

Regardless, the two Republican Cassandras are now permanently enshrined in my imagination, standing on the first and second place podium slots in their sweats (after doing a Paul Ryan gym workout, of course) white-gloved fists raised in protest, bravely bitching about the unequal treatment they are receiving at the hands of the executive branch.

Good for them.  It’s nice to know that there are some things too low even for a Senator.  Such as what they’d have to do to get elected as a GOP candidate in 2018.


Remember What Happened to Machiavelli

There seem to be a lot of Machiavelli wannabes floating around in the USA’s public life. The arcane–and to my thinking insane–plotting that’s always being referred to in the news seems to take place without regard to consequences.

These folks might wanna read some history.

Machiavelli wound up on the rack.  Robespierre the great orator who rabble roused the French into a revolution, had a smashed jaw and could no longer speak when he went to the guillotine.  His followers got to him before the executioner and after he’d over-promised and under-delivered regarding what would follow the revolution.

Keep it in mind, plotters. People quickly tire of inartful machination.  You’re overdue for a fall. And blindly following a guy with a nose like Steve Bannon’s is a fool’s errand.  There’s only one way to get a nose like that and all you ticked off white males know it.  This is not a guy to follow, he’s tainted. Green meat, not red, to borrow from Chris Rock.

Bannon, Breitbart, Spencer, and their ilk are sellin’ wolf tickets.  Y’know, the kind that can’t  actually be redeemed for goods or services, they’re just pieces of paper.

Faithless leaders of populist movements always wind up on the wrong side of their followers–because they stir folks up and don’t deliver.  Because they don’t have the power or wherewithal to deliver on empty promises, such “leaders” are always doomed to be destroyed at the hands of their followers.

Bannon, et al. should be damn glad that in 21st century USA disaffected followers just leave or possibly protest bitterly at being tricked. They don’t send their faithless leaders’ heads to the successor leader anymore, as was once the custom in medieval times.

Ack, Sen. Corker Agrees with Me re: Trump Castrating Cabinet

Except I said it first.  Sen. Corker, you’re stealin’ my premise. (This is just an updated previous post from 4/27/17 in which I raised the same issue–Trump’s neutered males). Because the way the men in the Trump adminstration are publicly scolded, badmouthed, slimed, denigrated, taunted and generally disrespected by their incompetent and embarrassingly ill-behaved master would only be tolerated by someone with no balls.

So I’ve been wondering–will all the Trump administration’s neutered
males–Priebus, Sessions, Mattis, Pence, Tillerson, Spicer, et. al.–get their balls back after they leave office? (Okay, Spicer and Priebus probably never had any, but what about the rest?  They were once high testosterone males.) And where are those testicles stored anyway? (Al Gore’s lockbox?) Or were they just thrown out with the rest of the trash?

Granted, most of the castrati are so old that they probably weren’t using
those balls for much anyway, except possibly to scratch occasionally, for
old times’ sake. But the way these guys let Trump humiliate them suggests
that whatever manhood they still possessed had to be checked at the
metaphorical door to their new positions, as a condition of employment.

Some of the president’s paid lackeys used to have some pride, sense of self,
and independence. Now they’re just a sad, pathetic bunch of saluting,
heel-clicking old castrati who have apparently sold their manhood

Still, it could be worse. Über sack-shrinker Hillary could have been elected.
Just the sound of her voice is enough to make a red-blooded male’s testicles
ascend to the refuge of their owner’s thorax and huddle behind the ribs in
fear. There’s no guarantee she would even have hired any manly men

What would Jesus say?

“You weenies don’t deserve the balls Dad and I gave ya.  You don’t hear about me badmouthing my apostles do ya?  And look what they did to me.”


Goat Blood Drinking, Pagan, Ex-attorney, Current Fla. GOP Senate Candidate Penned Manifesto, “The Charlottesville Statement”

When you’re a real Floridian–not someone who came here from someplace else–and see something like the Charlottesville riots, you naturally think, “OK, where’s the Florida connection?”.  Because you just know that’s the kind of insanity that draws faux Floridians like a magnet.

I think because of our climate, every whackjob who would normally wind
up living under a bridge or overpass, comes to Florida.  Because in Florida
people who live under bridges and overpasses don’t have to worry about
freezing to death.  That’s why we get all these goofballs who’ve made our
state’s reputation a punchline.

Of course it wasn’t long before we learned what the Florida link was.  And
it is oh-so-quintessentially Florida.

We discover from newspaper articles that, according to famed racist Richard
Spencer, it is none other than a goat blood drinking pagan Orlando former attorney, and current Florida GOP Senate candidate who penned the first draft of the altRightk nazis’ and KKK’s road map for mayhem, the manifesto “The Charlottesville Statement”.   His name is Augustus Invictus.  Well, his real name is actually something Gillespie but, apparently that wasn’t dramatic enough for a goat blood drinking pagan with political aspirations.

A snappy headline and lead paragraph from the Orlando Sentinel captures the

“Goat blood-drinking Charlottesville speaker from Orlando announces GOP
run for Senate”

…Augustus Invictus, the former Orlando attorney listed as a
speaker at the Aug. 12 white nationalist rally in Charlottesville,
Va., has announced he is running again for U.S. Senate in
Florida, this time as a Republican. …

Yes, this is his second run for a senate nomination.  That Orlando Sentinel article has a link to another intriguing item in the Tampa Bay Times.

“White nationalists find hero in Augustus Invictus, killer of goats”

The aforementioned goat blood drinking GOP candidate/Charlottesville
speaker ran against Marco Rubio in 2016 and only garnered 1063 votes. But he lost by only about 50 votes in the Libertarian Party primary that time. (Yes there are, in fact, more than 1,000 voters who cast ballots for a goat blood drinking pagan in my poor, poor pitiful home state.)

I think his new party, the GOP, is a much better fit.

The Miami Herald weighed in on Mr. Invictus as well.
“Goat-blood-drinking ex-Florida senate candidate headlined Charlottesville

Does the altRight know who this guy is?  Uhhh, aren’t most of them
Christians?  (Yeah, we all know what a violent hate-monger Jesus was, right?  No, that would be altRight.)

Why is it none of this surprising?  Appalling, yes, surprising, no.

And, of course, like most of the undesirables taking up space here in
Florida, the goat blood drinking GOP candidate is not from Florida.  He’s
from Ohio, a state in which the KKK has deep roots.

Ohio, would you please send someone to fetch your native son back home?

Confederate Statues Solution

One word. Pigeons.

Put all the statues outside in publicly owned spaces, with tall fences around them and “no trespassing” signs to prevent vandalism.  Don’t maintain them, don’t burnish them.

Then let the pigeons make their political statement about these glorious “leaders”.



Steve Bannon’s Channeling Barney Fife of Mayberry

Every time I see Steve Bannon’s image on TV I get this inner vision of Barney
Fife, clumsily getting his bullet out of his pocket and fumbling with his gun.

Instead of manliness, Bannon’s twitchy ranting channels Barney Fife from Mayberry.  For those who’ve never seen seen the TV series or its reruns, Deputy Sheriff Barney was so jumpy and nervously inept he was always discharging his firearm accidentally.  So the sheriff only allowed him to have one bullet, and Barney had to keep it in his shirt pocket as a matter of public safety.  Barney’s amusing swaggering and faux macho posturing, especially in innocuous situations which entailed no threat whatsoever, fit classic Bannon psychodrama.

Obviously Steve Bannon’s a legend in his own mind. His sour grapes rant
after being fired was hilarious.  Honestly, did he really say “I’ve got my
hands are on my old weapons”? Surely he didn’t say that the Trump
presidency is over just because he got fired. Did he?  Tell me no.

What about “I will crush the opposition.”  Who is the opposition, anyway?
The American people who don’t want to be nazis or KKK members?

How did the people who hail Bannon as a “populist hero” (oh, brother) miss the part where Bannon said they were a “bunch of clowns”?     That means his peeps are de facto not exactly alpha male material.  (People who would bow and scrape to a grubby guy who calls them clowns seem more like a bunch of self loathing masochists.)

Barney never realized that he was a joke and I suspect Bannon doesn’t
either.  He probably isn’t getting it that he’s just a fat, grumpy old white guy whose sole claim to fame is that he’s the wealthy Mercer family’s bought-and-paid-for media whore/butt boy. (To borrow a phrase from Don Imus.)

Yep, ol’ Barney, uh, I mean Bannon, is gonna take the macho machine he
built, rev it up and take it on the road.  Uh huh.  Snicker, snicker.

Wake up girlie man. You’re just a narrow-minded old gossip who, like most gossips, deliberately appeals to folks’ worst instincts.  That’s not genius, and it’s not strategy either.  Sliming people and saying mean things is not strategy.  It’s tactics–and not good ones either.