Tag Archives: trivializing politics

Carpetbagger Beats Native Son in GA District 6


Caveat:
Technically I am a Southerner.  My family’s been in Florida for just shy of
100 years and I was bred, born, raised and educated here.  However, South Florida isn’t actually the South. It’s a separate parallel universe.  Ya
gotta go north in Florida to be in the South, so probably I don’t really count
as a Southerner.  But when people not born here call themselves a Floridian they get a frosty reply from me–“You are NOT a Floridian.  You just live here”.  As far as I’m concerned anyone born north of Orlando is a Yankee.   You could say I’m just a post-modern dinosaur.

Well, it’s official.  Georgia is no longer truly Southern.  The unthinkable has
happened.  District 6 voters picked an unqualified, uneducated carpetbagger
over a well educated native son, at the behest of a Yankee from New York!  Ack!

There was a time, after the Civil War, when carpetbaggers were reviled in
the South. (At the time Southerners seemed surprised that killing hundreds
of thousands of Northerners, thereby plunging the country into years of devastating war and economic chaos in support of being able to own people, might actually have consequences.)

Not satisfied with having the beloved land–the South–burned to ashes, a
Southerner murdered the one person who might have helped reconstruct the
floundering region, Abraham Lincoln.  The mindless aggression of the
South not only left it in ruins, the economic fallout kept it a backwater
reeling in poverty and distress for a hundred years.

After the war (mostly Republican) post-Civil War carpetbaggers flooded the South and proceeded to help themselves to the spoils of an ill-conceived mass conflict.  Southerners detested the northern opportunists, since they had contributed nothing to making the pre-war South an economic powerhouse, and abused the hapless Southerners in oh so many ways.  (Again, Southerners didn’t seem to make the connection that the distasteful newcomers were a direct result of their own foolish decision to go to war with their own country.)

In the South you will still occasionally hear people say that the Civil
War wasn’t about slavery, it was about states’ rights.  Yeah.  What they
mean is states’ rights to own people, effectively stealing the lives, families
and personhood of those millions of humans which they “owned” over a
period of hundreds of years.

Southerners’ distrust and dislike of Yankees persists in much of the South to this
day.  Yet, somehow Donald Trump, the ultimate carpetbagger, from New
York no less, has become wildly popular in the South.  He told the GA
District 6 voters who to choose and they fell in line and did his bidding
without a peep of protest.

So much for “hell no we ain’t fergettin,” a Southern slogan referring to the North having won the Civil War.  That win used to stick in Southerners’ craws.  Maybe they’ve gotten over it.

This leads me to believe that true Southerners have been out-bred and
outnumbered by Northern transplants and their offspring.  Folks who prefer a carpetbagger to a native son are what might be termed faux Southerners.

Proof positive that Georgia is no longer Southern came on June 20,
2017 in the state’s congressional District 6 special election.

The district’s voters chose an uneducated carpetbagger, with no training or
experience in economics, finance, political science or other relevant
disciplines, Karen Handel, over native son Jon Ossoff.

As Secretary of State for Georgia–a post to which Georgia voters elected
her–Handel was involved in persistent ploys to suppress voter turnout, i.e.
keep Southerners from exercising their right to vote.

Ossoff, whose bachelor’s degree is from Georgetown and master’s degree is
from the London School of Economics, was born and raised in District 6.
(However, his mother is an Australian immigrant and his dad was raised in
Massachusetts, so, honestly, neither of the District 6 candidates has
generational ties to Georgia.)

Carpetbagger Karen Handel (born in stronghold-of-Satan, Washington, D.C. ) actually criticized Ossoff for having a good education!  His degrees
could not possibly have come without both intelligence and great effort.
Neither of his post-secondary schools just hand out degrees for nothing.
So obviously his stellar educational achievements are a minus for him in nouveau Georgia.

The fact remains.  Georgia voters chose to elect a carpetbagger on the word
of a Yankee.  Georgia, or at least its District 6, is no longer Southern. Gasp!

Meanwhile, thanks District 6, for sending another ignorant, unqualified
representative to Congress.  The country doesn’t have enough of those,
right?  Now the rest of us will have to take the consequences of your
decision right along with y’all.

A carpetbagger elected in Georgia?  Obviously the End Days are nigh.  Mercy sakes alive, ah feel faint.  Fetch me a mint julep, willya?

Walking Mudpit Trump Sloshes Through Middle East


Personally, since I was in Palm Beach County when the Saudi 911 bombers
trained nearby, and lived there, I’m not a huge fan of Saudi Arabian
leadership.  Plus there’s that whole, women can’t drive or go out of their
house without a male to supervise them thing.  Sorry, but that’s not what
you’d call “endearing” to American women.

But I laughed out loud at the news story about the Saudis giving Trump a
“golden collar” during the president’s first trip to the Middle East .  Ya don’t necessarily think of them as having a sense of irony.

They’re gonna have a time of it teaching our perpetually distracted
president to heel, sit and stay though.  They’d do better with one of those
“zapper” collars that delivers an electric shock when a pet misbehaves.
That might possibly get the Saudi wannabe owners of Mr. Trump better
results.  But they’re gonna have to battle Putin on this one–he’s currently got
bragging rights on controlling our erstwhile Pres.

Maybe Putin and Saudi crown prince somebody or other could mud wrestle
for the right to lead Trump around by his golden collar.  (It’d give Putin a hard-to-resist excuse to flash his man-boobs again!)

Lots of people would pay cold hard cash to see that sporting event.  I’d put my money on Putin.  He sure enough knows how to fight dirty.  There’d have to be a written rule–no assassinating opponents; Putin has a history after all.

Yeah, our president–favored lapdog of brutal dictators.  MAGA?  But which one
would it be?  Who’d get the rose?  If the high stakes mud wrestling event
were televised it would blow American Idol and Bachelorette ratings off the
court, don’t ya think?

And I’ll just bet that Trump thought that golden collar was an
honor–because it’s expensive.

But, Trump wasn’t just visiting the Middle East, he went to Rome too.  (We’ll skip the part where he got confused during a press conference with Netanyahu in Israel and just wandered off!)   I was thinking the Pope might once again work his magic, as he did with John Boehner, who resigned the day after meeting with the persuasive pontiff.

Well, except that then we’d have President Pence–another empty suit nitwit.
On the up side he’s more photogenic than Trump, and really good at looking earnest and resolute.  Hard to tell if that’d be a real improvement in the long run, but, how much worse could it get?  At least he might not spend all day
watching TV and tweeting nonsense.  Unlike our current president, Pence
might even have policies and plans that wouldn’t fit into 140 characters.

Does anyone else wonder when the GOP is going to get it that they are
the ones colluding–in making all of us a laughingstock in the world at large that is?  Not to mention that leaving a country of nearly 350 million citizens unattended for several years probably isn’t going to work out well.

 

Whiny Trump Turning Out To Be Crybaby In Chief


Jeez, isn’t everyone getting tired of Trump’s constant whining and
complaining?  Far from being the strong and energetic leader we were promised, he’s turned out to be “Crybaby in Chief”. Wah, wah, wah “it’s not fair” is his less than stalwart battle cry. It’s so embarrassing to the country.

And at the recent summit, when all the other heads of state walked, sissy-boy Donald Trump had to be hauled around in a golf cart because he was too fat, lazy and out of shape to keep up with his more fit–and mostly elderly–world leader colleagues. Mortifying!  For us that is.

Mr. Trump, here’s a bit of wisdom Mom imparted to me when I tried
that same lame ploy (“It’s not fair!”) long before I even entered
kindergarten. “Life isn’t fair and the sooner you learn that the better off
you’ll be. Now go to your room until you can behave.”

Somebody, please, send Trump a binkie and a blankie to help him cope with
his monstrous inadequacy.

So far it appears that the only member of the Trump retinue/administration
who is actually ready for political prime time is Melania. And she looks
ready to bolt any day now.

Shakespeare, not Nostradamus Predicted Trump


How did the History Channel staffers miss this one? They’ve zeroed in on
extraterrestrials, and uncovered Nostradamus’ hidden codes and the bible’s.
(I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before they realize that it was
extraterrestrials who gave the Vikings the stuff & info they needed to
conquer most of the known world.)

But they totally failed us re: Shakespeare’s hidden prediction about Trump
in, of all places, Macbeth. I weeded out the chaff and came up with ol’
Will’s hidden message to us from the late 16th century (or possibly the early
17th).

…but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more….an idiot, full of sound and fury
signifying nothing.

C’mon, ya know that’s Trump to a “T”. You’re welcome Mr. Shakespeare.
Glad to give credit where credit’s due. You were spot on buddy.
Unfotunately.

 

Trump’s Putin Phone Call–Best Phone Sex Ever?


It’s pretty clear Trump has some sort of man crush on Putin. (Was it the
topless pic on horseback where Putin flashed his man-boobs that started it
all?)  Trump’s like a giddy schoolgirl the way he keeps finding excuses to talk
about the object of his fascination.  Tough luck Michael Flynn, Putin’s goin’ to the prom with the Donald, not you.

So, anyway, when Trump finally got to talk to the Russian dictator what I wonder is–was it good for ya Donald?  (Please, no icky details, a simple yes or no will be sufficient.)  Was it like everything else is with you–the bestest, most wonderfulest, super duper ever?   Was it the best phone sex ever?

But, just to remind us all why Trump won, Hillary popped up again only a few days ago, beating that same old, “everybody’s pickin’ on me” drum she loves to pound.  She was still whining in that bandsaw voice.  Wah, wah, wah. It was misogyny, it was Comey, it was…fill in the blank.  Here’s a tip–most people don’t want excuses, they want results.  When you always need an excuse, there is no excuse.  You’re a loser plain and simple.

Here’s what it really was.  You and your ninny staff were true to that old stereotype about women being lame at math.  Y’all couldn’t do simple arithmetic.  Just as in 2008, you couldn’t add up the number of electoral college votes you needed and work to secure them.

Ya didn’t even go to Michigan!  You just expected that your compelling story–“it’s my turn and I don’t have a penis”–would automatically win the female vote.  Apparently Madeline Albright’s tone-deaf remark that there should be a special place in hell reserved for women who don’t help other women put the exclamation mark on your sexist expectations.  Thinking that Trump should be discriminated against because he does have a penis maybe wasn’t the best rationale on which to hang your power-hungry hopes.  Gender discrimination cuts both ways.

And you foolishly assumed black people would automatically vote for you because they supported Obama so overwhelmingly.  Did ya think they’d forget the racist stuff you & Bill slathered onto the national conversation in the 2008 election?  Here’s another tip–black women aren’t necessarily all that fond of white women.

Jeez, lady, because of your unprofessional staff, classified information showed up on serial dick-pic flasher Anthony Wiener’s computer.  No problem there, eh?  And he was supposedly flashing underage girls.  Yeah, because of you classified information wound up on the same unsecured computer used to distribute porn to children.  Do you see any potential security problems with that?  No rush, give it some thought while you’re channeling Gollum and muttering about how your “precious” was stolen from you because of that mean Mr. Comey and misogynistic men.

Sure, we appear to have wound up with a commie cabal that’s wired in at the White House.  But Trump’s just another disappointing old fart white guy being faithless with the electorate.  Nothing new there.  If it had been Hillary, the fallout when she failed–as she has so often, despite her clueless cheering squad–would have been “See what happens when ya let a woman have power”.  She would have poisoned the well for all women for years to come.  Hillary’s an out of touch loser who can’t take responsibility for her own behavior.

With Trump all we have to worry about is the commies who hate us and would love to harm our country.  And, of course, his mystifying and kinky masochistic crush on a vicious dictator who never stops trying to harm the U.S.

Of course I could be wrong–I am, after all, a post-modern dinosaur– but I still think it’s Putin’s man boobs that have the Donald all a-twitter with commie praise.

 

 

 

 

A Solution for Arkansas


There’s an obvious solution to Arkansas’ problem finding a humane drug to execute its death row inmates. Jeez, it’s all over the news these days. And it’s one people voluntarily take for their own amusement, so it can’t bee too cruel.

How hard would it be for Arkansas to score some heroin on the street and just use that? Seems like a win, win to me. If taking human life can be considered a “win” that is.

Cheap, easy to obtain, no manufacturers’ complaints, and humane.

No, no, don’t thank me Arkansas. You should have thought of this yourselves.

Let My People Go!


Generally I try to steer clear of “cable news” because it’s generally just
“cable opinion” or “cable yapping”.  But the other day I happened to see
that Jeffrey Lord, the slimebucket who leaves an oily ring around my TV, has
compared Donald Trump to MLK.  My heart was warmed (and stomach turned) at his spirited and loathsome false equivalency which is being promulgated by a shameless CNN.

Yeah, that’s right.  The Donald is leading his peeps, the downtrodden
billionaires of the world, out of the wilderness to the promised land.  I guess
that would be the promised land wherein they have no restraints whatsoever
and can lie, cheat and steal their way to ever more profits and damn the cost
to everyone else.

Someone, please nominate the Donald for the Nobel Peace Prize for
championing the rights of the poor, poor pitiful (and monstrously entitled)
one percent.   The rest of what Mitt Romney deems “the takers” can just go
ahead and breathe toxic air, drink lead-laced, carcinogen infused water, be
fleeced by colluding politicians and corporate behemoths and shut the hell
up with their whining, right?

Yeah, the Donald, draft-dodging culture warrior,  is bravely leading his people out of their slavery.   And Jeffrey Lord is bringing the shy and overly modest Trump’s unheralded good deeds to the world at large.  You go guy.  Straight to hell that is.

What would Jesus say?  “Y’all know next time I’m comin’ back with an army don’t you?”